She's Having My What?
by Ukyou Kuonji
Summary: A Ranma spamfic done back in 1999 after an FFML discussion about the likelihood of Shampoo-neko being, erm, assualted. More a conversation piece than a serious fic.


Just one of those old stories I need to give out there... though Kami alone knows why...  
  
*****  
*****  
  
It was just about time. And yet, it was far too soon.  
  
She was about to deliver, and for some reason, Ranma was very nervous.  
Not just the typical new-father type nervousness, not just because the   
child was premature, although those were contributing factors. No,   
there was just something he couldn't put his finger on that simply   
gave him the creeps.  
  
***  
  
It hadn't been easy being married to a woman with a curse -- especially   
*this* curse -- but they had managed so far the best they could. It  
hadn't been Ranma's choice to marry her, but when she and her great-  
grandmother confronted him with her condition:  
  
"Is your fault, Ranma!" she had said, pointing to her distended belly.  
  
Well, he did what honor demanded. Even though he couldn't remember   
having had sex with Shampoo -- and after their wedding night, he had   
concluded that he sure as hell *would have* remembered doing so --   
that didn't mean it couldn't have happened. There was always his neko-  
ken mode; he never could remember what he'd done when he'd come out of   
that state. Suppose he could turn into a cat in heat, huh? He had to   
admit, it was entirely possible.  
  
So they had gotten married. The Tendos were quite naturally upset,   
but they understood that Ranma was doing the honorable thing. Akane   
actually managed a bit of sympathy for the possibility that he was   
paying the price for something he hadn't even been aware of doing.  
  
Ukyou had not been nearly as understanding. Bad enough that there   
was a possibility that Ran-chan had slept with her archrival. His   
marrying her was both an admission of such a story, and a rejection   
of her once and for all. The Ucchan closed shortly after the wedding,   
and both Ukyou and Konatsu disappeared from Tokyo.  
  
On the subject of leaving Tokyo, Ranma had insisted that he was *not*   
going back to the Joketsuzoku. And Shampoo acquiesced, at least   
not until after the birth.  
  
Maybe that was why he was extra-nervous -- he wasn't looking forward   
to arguing with Shampoo *and* Cologne about China again.  
  
No... that wasn't it. There was something else out there that   
disturbed him. He racked his brain trying to come up with a logical   
cause for his anxiety, but came up empty every time.  
  
"Mr. Saotome?" He nearly jumped out of his skin at the nurse's touch.   
Since when did hospitals train their staff in the martial arts? Her   
smile was warm and friendly. "I'm sorry about that, Mr. Saotome, but   
it's your wife. She's fully dilated; we think it's about time. You'd   
like to be present for the birth?" She held out a surgical mask and   
scrubs for Ranma to put on.  
  
"Well..." he sighed as he took the proffered clothes and put them on,   
"let's get on with this, ne?" He followed her through the double   
doors into the operating room.  
  
Shampoo was lying on the gurney, howling out something unintelligible,   
at least to Ranma. Could be something in Mandarin. Cologne sat on   
her staff by her great-granddaughter's head, and judging from her   
reaction, it probably was. She seemed to understand what Shampoo was   
saying... on the other hand, her expression indicated she couldn't   
believe what she was hearing, either...  
  
His eyes met the old ghoul's for an explanation.  
  
"Son-in-law... it appears we have done you a grave wrong. There may   
be a problem with the delivery. Maybe you should go..."  
  
Anytime anyone ever told him not to be somewhere, not to do something,   
he would always take it as part insult, part challenge, and defy the   
instructions he had been given. This was no exception.  
  
Besides, Shampoo needed him. "No... mother-in-law. I'm staying. I'm   
going to be here for Shampoo when our child is born."  
  
"Children," the old crone corrected him, "At least, I *hope* they're   
children..."  
  
"Oh? We've got twins?"  
  
The Amazon matriarch shook her head. "Not twins, son-in-law. What   
we have is --"  
  
"Hold it! She's crowning!" There was a slight trickle of blood as   
a head began to emerge from Shampoo's birth canal. "Okay, push, X'ian   
Pu, push! Oh wow, this little one's hairy!"  
  
Ranma held his wife's head as she panted heavily with the exertion of   
labor. "C'mon, honey! We're almost there!"  
  
"There she is... oh, and another!" The obstetrician handed the first   
born to the nurse, and resumed his position, waiting for the next one.  
  
The nurse probed the newborn's mouth to allow air into its lungs for   
the first time, after so many months of amminotic fluid. A cry escaped   
from its tiny lungs.  
  
"AhmwrroWRR!"  
  
Ranma's neck jerked at the sound. That couldn't have been what it   
sounded like...?  
  
Cologne nodded, and finished her earlier statement: "...we have a   
litter..." Her eyes grew horribly sad. What must have happened to   
her Shampoo for this to have taken place? Ranma hadn't impregnated   
her... in fact, it hadn't even been anything human...  
  
Ranma's eyes went wide. "A litter...? You mean...?" With a shocked   
expression on her face, the nurse showed him his newborn...  
  
...kitten.  
  
With a scream that could be heard throughout Nerima, Ranma tore out   
of the delivery room.  
  
*****  
*****  
  
I hadn't intended to write on the neko-Shampoo thread I started this  
morning, but all the responses sorta provoked this, and I had to get   
the damn thing outta my system. Got a pile of possibilities from   
people; pro- and anti-abortion camps (MetroAnime suggested, for   
instance, that the matriarchal structure of the Joketsuzoku tribe would   
preclude abortion; one wonders how often the tribe might have run afoul   
of the PRC's 'one family, one child' policy)  
  
In any case, it's obviously not the only possibility (this is another   
reason to send 'I've got this idea...'-type messages to the FFML, Time   
Runner -- sorry -- I'd never have gotten this far without the massive  
[for me] feedback), but for now, I don't think I wanna work on this   
particular subject again. And hey... this also takes care of that   
other challenge, getting Shampoo and Ranma together; of course, I had   
to use that old "You-got-me-pregnant-while-you-were-in-neko-ken-mode"   
trick again (I should copyright that by now ^_^;;)  
  
Anyway, it's over and done with. Y'know, after that, Laughing Target   
doesn't seem half bad anymore...  
  
Itsu mo,  
Ucchan ^_^ 


End file.
